but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
