all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
