just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
