It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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