I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Randomize
