If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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