I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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