The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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