just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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