I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
