The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
