So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
The power of my boobs compel you
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
