If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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