My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
