Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
