Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
