o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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