she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
