We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
