when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
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