My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
