I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
