fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
