You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
