The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
