my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
