Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
