if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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