Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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