i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
