Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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