but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
This baby is an asshole
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
