Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
