My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
