He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
