I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
