I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
im drinking this country out of the recession.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
