from now on my penis is your penis
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I need water and some morals
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
