your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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