please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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