I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
