My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
