I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
