There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
