Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
