Don't you send me to vm
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
