The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
are you so shy because you have an std?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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