The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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