This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize
