But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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