my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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